What followed was a very awkward conversation over speaker phone a few days later between me, a publicist and a brand manager with Starbucks.
So I got in touch with Starbucks’ media people and asked them, in a more diplomatic way, why the espresso sucks. But I wanted to hear Starbucks’ responses to them. He also pointed out that Starbucks baristas have no power to make necessary adjustments for good coffee, because their machines are mostly automatic.Īll of these seemed like valid explanations. He also posited that Starbucks purposely over-roasts its coffee - hence the dark, oily beans and the notorious burned flavour - because it is easier to maintain consistency that way. He wondered if it’s possible to buy quality coffee beans at such massive quantities. James had a number of theories as to why Starbucks espresso is so bad. Starbucks is almost three times as expensive, and many times more gross. And here’s the best part: a shot of espresso at Tim Hortons is 63 freaking cents, taxes in, while at Starbucks it’s $1.85.
Tim Hortons, he found, was the most flavourful of the bunch. “I’m convinced I’ll get mouth cancer from that one espresso I had there.” “Tar bucks was in a league of its own,” he said. James recently did a taste test of espresso from major coffee chains - Tim Hortons, Timothy’s, Aroma, Second Cup and Starbucks - and concluded that Starbucks was by far the worst. “It tastes like Windex filtered through burned toast.” “It’s like the worst of the worst,” he confirmed. He’s not exactly an unbiased source, considering Starbucks is a competitor of his - kind of - but I wanted to hear his feedback. This man makes some of the best coffee in the city.
But to gain some insight in the matter, I got in touch with Sam James. In hindsight, I may have been a bit rude about it, which is probably why I didn’t get an answer. Hey how do you make such grotesque espresso? Seriously, I am fascinated. I raised the issue with Starbucks a while back, over Twitter. It is the very foundation of all the other terrible, foamy beverages Starbucks sells. How can a business get away with selling such a shoddy product? And it’s not like espresso is a side project for Starbucks. There is a lot of pent up rage going on here. I have felt this way about Starbucks for a long time. It has notes of turpentine, tar and botched moonshine, the kind that makes you go blind. It’s acrid bitter with an aftertaste of acrid bitter. I am convinced that it’s one of the grossest things you can buy, anywhere, period. Starbucks espresso was a good candidate for this column. For good espresso in Toronto, go to Lit, Café Pamenar or Sam James Coffee Bar. It can be citrusy, nutty, sweet and yes, bitter too, but not overwhelmingly so. Many people think espresso is supposed to be mostly bitter, but a good shot is a thing of balanced beauty. I can’t say the same for the place that cannot be named. I drink Tim Hortons espresso on the regular, for utilitarian purposes, because it is actually palatable. I’m the kind of guy to swish espresso around in my mouth like it’s wine, but I’m not completely obtuse. This place is not good, especially if you’re an espresso jerk like me. Which meant that in order to get an espresso, I had to go to the place that cannot be named.įine, I’ll name it. There is little in the way of good food, and even less in the way of good coffee.Īnd last month, two of the “best” options for espresso in the area - Tim Hortons and Artisano - underwent renovations at the exact same time. You see, I work near York Mills and Don Mills, which is a terrible area if you are hungry, thirsty or tired. July was not a good month for me, coffee-wise.
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